Almost every day, I ride the subway. And almost every day, I am infuriated. Coincidence? I think not. One day, just one day, I'd like to make it all the way to work without wanting to kill someone. And I think, if we all work together, we can make that dream a reality. So here is my Public Transit Manifesto*. Everyone must comply.
*For the record, let me point out that I have personally witnessed every single one of these obnoxious behaviors, most of them more than once.
1. Don't make unnecessary noise.
Don't yawn or sigh audibly. Don't smack your lips. Don't whistle. Don't hum. Don't sing. Turn down your headphones. Don't drum your fingers or tap your nails or rings on any surfaces. If you wish to carry on a conversation, sit/stand near the person/people you're talking to and use your inside voice. Don't talk just to hear your own voice. Don't reprogram your cell phone ringer.
2. The train is not your living room.
Keep your feet on the floor. Keep your shoes on. Don't litter. Don't spit. Don't use other seats as your table, footstool, coat rack, or shopping cart. If you can't eat your snack with one hand, wait til you get home. Don't make out. Don't engage in personal hygiene (brushing your hair; cutting, filing, or painting your nails; putting on makeup or perfume; picking your teeth; picking your nose).
3. You are not the only person here.
Bathe. Wear clean clothes. Brush your teeth. Don't back up without looking to see what or who is behind you. Don't lean on people or rest your bags or coat on them. Take off your backpack/messenger bag/enormous tote bag on the train. Move with purpose onto, in and off the train and on the platform. Don't block train doors, stairs, or station turnstiles. Don't stop suddenly in your tracks or reverse direction without warning. Let people get off the train before trying to get on.
Want to propose some additions to my manifesto? Feel free to comment!
Manifesto Addition a):
ReplyDeleteRespect the fact that most people who ride the train do so purely for transportation purposes. This is generally not a time to make new friends. No one wants to hear about your busy day at work, or your plans for this weekend, or what you're going to eat for supper when you get home -- least of all the person looking into an open book/magazine/newpaper or the one wearing headphones and staring intently at his or her mp3 player. Maybe there should be a car designated specifically for those people who are looking to chat and/or hookup. Perhaps then random people wouldn't feel the need to strike up conversations with commuters who, it turns out, would rather lick the train window than feign interest in the personal life of yet another yahoo.
All that is true, but if you can not appreciate the beauty in all of it and how it is these annoyances that are also the great joy of living in NYC, I wonder why you live there? Sometimes I miss he random interactions, the person singing and reminding me that life is something to sing about. True, there were the days I wanted everyone to act orderly and make my life easy, but in generally, what would be the fun in that?
ReplyDeleteHey Ho. Like the blog. Regarding Manifesto item #1, there are a lot of rapper wanna be's on the Metro these days. Very non-phat. This weekend, there was some guy who was making velociraptor noises for reasons which were not readily apparent.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I think your manifesto rules really apply only to commuting hours. When I am drinkity, drunk, drank drunk on the metro at 11:37 pm on a Tuesday I am usually greatly entertained by:
ReplyDeletea) Skanky 22 year olds sorostitutes sucking face with dudes who think they are cool because they work on the Hill
b) hot drunks chicks who think I am funny
c) people arguing loudly about the relative merits of various WWE athletes/actors
d) People who announce that "low carb bagels taste like a large sweaty man is standing on your tongue"
Excellent point, Dave. Many of these rules might apply only to commuting hours. But the bathing/personal hygiene guidelines are always applicable, people!
ReplyDelete